For each headache you face, ask yourself, “Is this mostly real or mostly imagined?”
Solve the real problems, release the imaginary ones.
James Clear
The problems that we face are of two types.
Some problems are like a muddy pond. The more you try to get clear water from the muddy pond, the murkier it gets. The solution is to do nothing, let it be, and it solves by itself as the mud settles down and clear water emerges on top. Muddy pond problems are often imagined problems. The best course of action for such problems is to let time pass, let the problem work itself out, or let the mind get over it.
The second type of problem is the “Flat Tire” problem. If you do not immediately take action to fix the issue and let time pass, the damages pile up fast. This type of problem requires decisive action. Allow the problem to linger and it becomes a bigger problem.
Recognizing whether the problem is a muddy pond or a flat tire is crucial because the next steps are quite opposite for each type. Here are few tips on getting better at handling problems.
- Imagine how the problem would shape up after days, weeks and months. Is it more likely to become a bigger problem or is it likely to work itself out? For example, losing your peace over your teenager’s sleep schedule who is otherwise doing well – it’s very likely a muddy pond rather than a flat tire problem. The simmering tension between husband and wife about finances and money – it’s very likely a flat tire problem that will get bigger if ignored.
- Imagine placing your problem in someone else’s life. Would their response to the issue be the same as your response? Will they stress about it as much as you? Knowing how different people think about a similar problem allows us to see our own tendencies and biases more clearly. Many of our problems are just the mind making minor annoyances seem like major things.
- Many problems are imagined or anticipated problems that have not materialized yet. These are problems we manufacture and corral in our life. Paradoxically, such problems generate more anxiety than problems that you are actually dealing with in the present. Hundreds of years ago, Michel de Montaigne said – “My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened.” Studies have confirmed that almost 85% of our problems are imagined problems – all they need is time and space to disappear from our minds.
- On a piece of paper, draw a vertical line in the middle. In the left column, write down the problem – describe it as much detail as possible. In the right column, write down your reactions to the problem. Be honest. Has the issue caused you resentment, sleepless nights, anxiety, disappointment? After you have done this exercise, take a break. Next day morning, look at the two columns again. Which column stands out – the problem itself or your reaction to the problem? Are your reactions truly warranted? The last time you had an anxiety of similar magnitude to a perceived problem, how did it turn out? Was it as big of a deal as you imagined it to be? Viktor Frankl once said – “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.”
