Entrepreneur Naval Ravikant explains that jealousy is often misplaced.
“Jealousy is such a poisonous emotion because, at the end of the day, you’re no better off, you’re unhappier, and the person you’re jealous of is still successful or good-looking, or whatever they are.
I realized that all these people that I was jealous of, I couldn’t just cherry-pick and choose little aspects of their life. I couldn’t say I want his body; I want her money; I want his personality.
You have to be that person. Do you want to actually be that person with all of their reactions, their desires, their family, their happiness level, their outlook on life, their self-image? If you’re not willing to do a wholesale, 24/7, 100% swap with who that person is, then there is no point in being jealous.”
If you are jealous of someone, you must choose to be jealous of the whole package – their successes and their failures, their good traits and their bad traits. When you look at jealousy from this perspective, it is hard to be jealous of anyone.
A composer or a musician in the era of Mozart might have felt jealous of Mozart – the child prodigy and iconic composer of that time. But if the Mozart’s life is looked at in its entirety, Mozart also constantly struggled financially, had strained relationships with his father as well as colleagues, and suffered from depression and anxiety.
Similarly, if you admire a bodybuilder in your gym, you can’t only choose be jealous of their fit body and the attention they get. You must also choose to be jealous of the boring meals, calorie counting, and the grueling workouts.
Whether its the most iconic public personas or your seemingly perfect neighbors, everyone either starts revealing sharp edges under a closer look, or at the very least has tedious and difficult processes that are hidden from view but are vital for their success. Next time when pangs of jealousy rise, ask yourself: are you willing to do a wholesale 100% swap with the person you are jealous of?
You have to want the lifestyle, not just the outcomes. Otherwise, it doesn’t make any sense being jealous. The results of success are usually public and highly visible, but the process behind success is often private and hidden from view. It’s easy to want the public rewards, but also have to want the hidden costs.
James Clear
